Get Unstuck: The 3 Questions to Ask for Your Next Big Breakthrough | Dr. Cristy Lopez | 308

Dan Kuschell - Episode 308

Dr. Cristy Lopez is a renowned psychologist and high performance coach who helps executives, entrepreneurs, doctors, and other professionals reduce anxiety and stress in 10 minutes or less. For over 20 years, Dr. Lopez has worked with clients to overcome relational problems, self-limiting beliefs, self-sabotaging behaviors, and other obstacles preventing them from achieving happiness and success. She has been featured on the television shows, Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, and cited in Forbes, Entrepreneur, and many other publications.



Here’s a glimpse of what you’ll learn: 

  • Dr. Cristy Lopez shares the biggest mistakes that business leaders make when it comes to identity
  • The foundational questions to ask yourself: who am I, and what do I want?
  • Why Dr. Lopez decided to pursue a career as a high performance coach
  • Dr. Lopez talks about her top inspirations and mentors
  • How to start leading your life more consciously and clearly today
  • Where to access more of Dr. Lopez’s expert insights and advice

In this episode…

Are you looking for a way to get unstuck in your business? Do you need clarity on the best path forward? Then it may be time to tune in to your true identity.

Dr. Cristy Lopez has helped thousands of business leaders identify their true identities and achieve greater focus and direction. So, what makes her process so effective? It all comes down to a few simple questions: who are you? What do you want? And what are your values? Only by discovering the truth to these foundational questions can you eliminate uncertainty and gain the clarity you need to make a greater impact with your business today.

Join Dan Kuschell and Dr. Cristy Lopez, renowned psychologist and high performance coach, in this episode of Growth to Freedom as they discuss how to gain clarity about yourself, your business, and your goals. Dr. Lopez shares the foundational questions to ask yourself in order to get unstuck and discover your true identity. She also shares her top inspirations and mentors and reveals how you can start living more clearly today. Stay tuned for more!

Resources Mentioned in this episode

Sponsor for this episode

Thanks for listening to this episode of growthtofreedom.com.

Are you struggling to get a steady flow of new clients every day? Or maybe hit a plateau or hit a wall in growing your business? Well, let’s help you solve this problem today. Let’s review your business and have a conversation. You can do that for free today at breakthroughstrategycall.com. That’s breakthroughstrategycall.com.

In addition, if you’re looking for a simple way to implement some of what we’ve been talking about in today’s episode, I want to encourage you to get our free small business toolkit. You can get that at activate.breakthrough3x.com. That’s activate.breakthrough3x.com.

If you’d like access to the special resources and all the show notes for this special episode, make sure to visit growthtofreedom.com.

Episode Transcript

Dan Kuschell 0:04

Welcome to this segment of growthtofreedom.com, where we’re celebrating our 300th Episode 30 years in business. And our theme for this entire series is recognizing that you are just one breakthrough, away from your next big breakthrough. And I have a question for you. What would it be worth if you could truly tune in to your identity? To really know clearly who you are what you stand for what you really want in life? Like what would it be worth to get that level of clarity in your life? Well, a quick backstory, I know for me, that having gone through all kinds of businesses 11 plus businesses over the last 30 years, that really getting in tune and staying in tune with who you are, what you want, and what you stand for, can make all the difference, of being able to truly have freedom in your life, to have peace of mind to have a sense of security. And also get yourself out of uncertainty. Doubt. You know, I don’t know Do you ever have that voice of doubt that creeps in like, Am I doing the right thing is what does all this mean? Is like why do I feel like something’s missing? Right? Well, would it be worth to actually get true clarity in that our guest expert today is someone who can help you do just that get clarity around your identity. She’s a friend. She’s a mentor, she’s a client. She’s someone that helped me over a decade ago as I was going and still continues to help me today. She’s a celebrity expert. She’s been on shows like Dr. Phil downsized a whole lot more. What she’s an expert at working with business owners, entrepreneurs, high achievers is helping you relieve or eliminate anxiety, just like that in 10 minutes or less, plus get ultimate clarity, direction, focus, and more. Her name is Dr. Cristy Lopez, and Cristy welcome. How are you?

Dr. Cristy Lopez 2:06

I’m great. Dan, thank you so much for having me.

Dan Kuschell 2:09

Absolutely. Well, I’m gonna dive right into it. I mean, you’ve worked with 1000s of 1000s of people through your therapy, your clinic, your counseling, and a whole lot more high achievers, you’ve worked with, you know, people struggling in relationships, marriages, finances, I mean, you’ve got such a diversified background, like we’re at one of the most unique times in history. It’s an exciting time. But it’s also a very scary time. We’re just coming through this COVID crisis and this crisis stage that we’re in and it looks like it’s getting worse, not better. What do you see are some of the big mistakes, Cristy, that most people make when it comes to identity, right, and really like being true to themselves to be able to, you know, get Be true to themselves. I’ll leave it at that.

Dr. Cristy Lopez 2:54

Yeah, most people do tend to struggle with something as basic and foundational as identity. Just as you’re growing up, and you’re going through life, people tend to get more involved with others, caring for others being concerned about others. And to some degree, we’re socialized, and especially women are socialized to be caring for others and looking for others. So even though we are pretty ego based, and you know, it’s all about me, it also is often all about others. So, people will end up kind of losing themselves, because they are now more focused on Well, how do I appear to others? How am I serving others? Or am I liked by others? How can I be liked by others? How can I please others. So, it starts becoming other based and especially when you start taking on roles, which we all do, which could be anything from a daughter or son to a parent to a co worker, to a father, you know, whatever it is, people then end up starting to take on roles. And then they kind of lose again more of themselves or they start investing in this role, this role as a spouse or this role as a parent or this role as the boss or this role as this amazing employee or whatever it is. And in that process, they start losing or actually sometimes not even quite developing the foundation of who they are in service of others.

Dan Kuschell 4:24

So so what what can I kind of have an inside scoop because you did a lot of work with me on this, which I’m grateful for. But what can someone do, like, you know, who might be looking in the mirror today, like staring in the mirror and going you know, I feel like something’s missing or I feel like I’m, you know, I don’t know who I am or, like what what would you recommend that someone order 1 to 3 steps someone can take to like get on track to get tuned into their true identity.

Dr. Cristy Lopez 4:55

Well, I actually have a series of questions and a process that I take people through And there is a good, it seems like a very basic question, but it always throws people off when I have them do a writing exercise on the question of: who am I? And again, it seems like a very basic question, but I always get that deer in the headlights look, when I let my client know that this is the exercise that we’re going to be working on. And a lot of times people are just stuck, like they don’t even really know what to say. And they may come back after some time, and they really don’t have too much that they put on there. They’re always not quite sure if they did it, right. So I’m, so people do tend to struggle with this. But a lot of times you actually need help with it, because I can pose this question and people can do some writing on it. But it would be helpful if you had someone that can go over it with you. Because a lot of times you’re not aware when you’re just kind of looking at it from yourself, because you know, you have the narrow focus of your perspective, and the roles and everything that you kind of got routinely kind of almost stuck in. So it’s kind of hard for people to get some insight or see this on their own. But in working with someone, especially if someone knows you, then you’re really able to kind of further flesh this out to get at the true foundation of you not just what possible role you take not just what possibly image you have. But what’s all making up the person who is doing those things. The one who is the mother, the one who is doing this act of service, or whatever, who is that person. So doing some writing on it, but really talking processing with someone about it, and doing some further work to get at the deeper inside of who you are. That’s what that’s what gets it going. But again, it usually takes somebody to kind of help you with that process.

Dan Kuschell 6:57

Yeah, and I remember sitting in your office, the very first time we went through this process, and there were a couple of questions. And I remember staring at my piece of paper for about 25 minutes, and then our session ended, said I’ll come back as we were going through this process a couple few times a week. And I bailed on this next session. They bailed on the next session bailed on the next week of sessions the next week. And finally, it was about four or five weeks later that I came back and I finally had gotten some movement on it and you let me know, you know, hey, it’s normal, right? But I was embarrassed. I was, you know, feeling humiliated. I was feeling like, awkward that I was like, I felt like I might be the only one who had ever been you were like, no, this is and you just said it. Like, it’s kind of normal. That’s why I have so so what would you say let’s help someone get unstuck, right? Now let’s say they sit down and they go, who am I? And I remember I remember doing this with you is clearer than I do this now regularly to reinforce it. I remember I had things like roles. I had, like CEO, the first time I started, you’re like, no, it’s not really that. What would your kids say you are, what are some trigger things that you could give someone right now that if they are doing this, to start with on their own, that would help them get unblocked to kind of get to those deeper things that you helped me with directly?

Dr. Cristy Lopez 8:12

Yeah, usually, when you have someone else that you’re able to talk with and process through, that’s where this kind of stuff can happen, which is you know what happened with us and, and I knew you so I would also was able to kind of lead you kind of in directions that I saw were missing from what you had come back with. So if you can do this process with someone who knows you that’s even better. Or you just kind of ask these questions, like I asked you like, Okay, well, who would what would someone else say? So if you can kind of put yourself into somebody else’s shoes and then looking at yourself and like in relation to that person, you might be able to come up with some things just by doing that on your own. But really, it’s helpful if you actually do it with another person. But I have also had that experience where even with other people, they have difficulty. When I asked someone Oh, tell me, you know, three great characteristics about you know, your spouse or three great, great characteristics about your whatever your mother, your child or whatever. I always get the deer in the headlights look there too. So people have difficulty. It’s quite sad, but but it makes sense in terms of our brains are negatively bias. So people are really easy to kind of say negative things or things critical things are things that need to be improved, but they tend to have difficulty looking at the positive, identifying the positive, expressing the positive, and then especially if it has something to do with themselves. So talking with somebody processing it out, that that is usually the best way to try and really get at it. And then there’s, you know, several other questions that could spark like, What do you want? So I have these series of questions and then they all go together. So sometimes when you may be thinking About the Well, what do I want? It might spark something that goes back to the Oh, that’s part of who I am. Why I possibly want this thing or why I thought I wanted this thing, which is often what comes up from the What do I want?

People are really ready to say negative things, or critical things, or things that need to be improved, but they tend to have difficulty looking at the positive.- Dr. Cristy Lopez Click To Tweet

Dan Kuschell 10:15

And as you’re listening or watching right now, like, what would it be worth for you to get unstuck around? Like, who are you? Right? And, you know, at the end of the day, you know, one of the things I remember Cristy, that you shared with me was related to, it’s not the human doing things or roles, it’s the human being things, and the qualities of who you are not the things you do.

Dr. Cristy Lopez 10:42

The who doing the doing.

Dan Kuschell 10:45

That’s right. And so as you’re watching or listening, like take pieces, and I encourage it, it’s a great time to do this. Probably one of the best times in history to do it, where you can kind of go introspective to a degree, and really get tuned in on yourself, your self love your self care and create self mastery out of this kind of exercise and getting that ultimate clarity and unlike who you really are as a human being, right, you know, are you compassionate? Are you loving not to give you words that you borrow from me, but if they’re triggers, and they’re jumping off points that lead you to other things? You know, you’re a leader, you’re loving, you’re compassionate, you’re understanding you’re, you know, there’s so many characteristics, you’re amazing human being, aren’t you? You’re a genius, right? You’re a gift? What are those gifts? You know, do your best to pull them out. And if you know, someone like Cristy can help you or a friend can help you who can see through their eyes in a different way. It’s amazing. Like, what happens if you ask five friends, like what are some of the qualities you see in me? Like it’s a great exercise just to be able to do because what it will do is it will remind you of your greatness, it will remind you of your genius, it will remind you of the gifts you have. Because to Cristy’s point, the negative bias we all have towards ourselves. You know, I had a friend of mine who even asked me about this interview series. He’s like, Oh, my gosh, I want to hear how it all went. Like you’re interviewing that some of the best in the world and friends and coaches and clients and mentors, and all this stuff. was a like, and I said the deepest thing is it was so I mean, it was touching. Like all the positive feedback that I’ve gotten from, you know, everybody and you know, the, the ability of where everybody everyone said yes, like, I didn’t have anybody who said no, they said No, not now. But like nobody said, No, I won’t do this. Like, I mean, it was very touching. And that reminder here and there is also good for us, right? of what we’re doing right? What we’re doing well, so Cristy, as we wind this down, let’s give context, why are you doing what you’re doing in the world today? I mean, you again, you’ve worked with 1000s and 1000s of people over, you know, 20 plus years doing what you’re doing, coaching, counseling, therapy, and more. Why are you still doing what you’re doing today?

Dr. Cristy Lopez 13:04

Well, I think for the most part, people gravitate to what they’re naturally good at. And so to some degree, I think just as far as like, who I am, who I am, as a person, part of it is certain talents, skills and abilities that I have that lend towards a helping profession and for doing, and loving animals. So, so I think people sometimes gravitate towards what they what they do well at. And then my experience of working with hundreds and 1000s. And people have all kinds of all, you know, all kinds of things going on and seeing, you know what, we have science to help us with this. This is not just something that I’m just making up out of my head or that I am just like from personal experience. It’s like there’s a whole host of scientific knowledge about what, what is healthy, what is success? What is destruction, like, what is the other side of things like, there’s science behind how you help relationships, how you help yourself, how you help with various things, especially anxiety.

There's science behind how you help relationships, how you help yourself, how you help with various things, especially anxiety. - Dr. Cristy Lopez Click To Tweet

This is one of the things that I do focus on. And I tell people, if you’re going to have any kind of issue or problem, you want it to be anxiety, because there’s so many things we can do to work on it. So seeing all this and learning all this and then practicing all this with people and seeing the change. When people do the work, it changes. If you really do this, your new ways will become your natural ways. And that’s true transformation. And so I see that I have the gift and privilege of being able to see that over and over and over. So I know that people don’t have to be stuck. People don’t have to be suffering. They just need someone who can help them with it. They have to do the work. And when you get that combo, it’s amazing. And I like I like seeing that I like being part of that. I like being able to help people do that. And then knowing not only Did I help them, but it is a generational thing too, because then that influences how they are as parents and kind of on down the line and then even kind of laterally, that’s it impacts who they’re, you know who they work with. So, working with one person, yeah, I’m working with one person, but it ends up kind of spreading out, laterally, and then down through time. And then when I work with groups of people, it’s even, you know, bigger than that. So, so I, I like to be able to do that because I know that there’s no reason why people have to be stuck suffering.

When people do the work, it changes. If you really do this, your new ways will become your natural ways. And that's true transformation. - Dr. Cristy Lopez Click To Tweet

Dan Kuschell 15:35

So if you’re looking for a way to eliminate anxiety to get unstuck, to get clarity to get direction, I encourage you to a apply what Cristy has been sharing with you be you’re looking for a resource like Cristy Cristy if someone wants to connect with you, they want to learn more about what you’re doing. How can they connect with you? Where can they go more to learn more about what you’re up to?

Dr. Cristy Lopez 15:58

One great resources my website, which is CristyLopezPhD.com, so it’s my name, CristyLopezPhD.com. there’s no h in my Cristy. And then you can always call call me as well, my number is 602-323-7824. So you can always leave a voicemail, and I get back to you. And again, the website is probably a really great place because I have a lot of resources on there, including a lot of links to some very cool interesting podcasts that I have done with a certain person.

Dan Kuschell 16:34

Yes. And if you want to learn more about what Cristy is up to, I encourage you to go check out her site, check out all the fun interviews we’ve done together, go to CristyLopezPhD.com, that’s CristyLopezPhD.com. You want to learn more about her coaching, how she can help you directly or someone you care about, you know, if you’re a founder, if you’re a CEO, if you’re a high achiever, and she can really help you simplify, create clarity, also help you eliminate stress and anxiety, you can go call her directly and find out what she’s got available at 602-323-7824. That’s 602-323-7824. Cristy, as we wind this down a couple, I guess last things, who has been a mentor or a favorite coach, or advisor that you’ve you know that you take inspiration, or you get inspiration from in the work that you do.

Dr. Cristy Lopez 17:28

So I have a variety of like I was talking about science, so, so me doing the work I do in terms of reading the latest, the latest research and being on top of like the science breakthroughs and what’s happening in the world of psychology. I know that’s not a specific person. But it’s kind of like the body of knowledge of science altogether, I would say is, has been an important advisor to me, in the psychology realm. And then, you know, even though I’m in a helping profession, it’s still a business. So then if you want to go into the business realm and working, you know, promoting my own practice, then you would be the mentor, I’d say for helping me with how do I help my own business? Because not only you know, does that help me for what, you know, gives me the freedom and what it is that I’m searching for. But it helps me to have that greater impact by reaching more people with the skills that I have. And to be able to continue to see that effect that ripple effect go out and out into the world. And so thank you for everything that you’ve done, to teach me and help me and guide me so that I can have greater impact with people. So thank you.

Dan Kuschell 18:48

It’s my pleasure. And it’s always fun working with someone who takes action with this stuff applies it, what you do, you’re constantly engaged and all the resources and tools. So, you know, it makes it makes me look it is what it does. So you know, it’s always good to have great fun clients who are really taking action, that’s for sure. So on another note what, what are 1 to 3 action steps, Cristy that you hope our viewers or listeners apply from what we’ve covered today?

Dr. Cristy Lopez 19:19

I think if people really try working on those series of questions and just even the first beginning questions, which you may have said them but but the first one is the Who am I? And then the second one is the What do I want? And that’s important to remember, it’s you What do you want? What do I want? Not What does everybody else want, but what do I want? And what are your values or what do you stand for? So these questions, I can’t I can’t I can’t emphasize enough how important they are because they are foundation. They’re your foundation and if you’re not clear on those things, you will just kind of be at the mercy of Other people and situations, and you can’t, you’re not always going to be in a great situation. And other people don’t always have your best interests at heart. So the clearer you get, and the more solid and resolved you get with and the answers to those questions, the more you’re able to directly lead your life consciously versus just kind of being tossed around out there.

Dan Kuschell 20:24

Yeah, and I you know, it’s amazing because you know, you have a choice if you go out boating, right as you’re listening or watching right now, if you go out boating, and you don’t have a rudder on your your boat, and there’s big waves, what will happen is your boat will just go where the waves take you. Right? Yeah, in other words, you have no direction. And what these three questions you know, what, what do you want? Right? In a first present tense, what do I want? Now? What do your kids want, family want, dog want, teammates want? You know, partners want? What do you want? Who are you? What do you stand for? What values do you have? It’s like putting that rudder on the boat. So now you can direct where you really want to go. And you can put boundaries around it, of what serves you, but also what doesn’t serve you what works for you. But what doesn’t work for you, right? This works in relationships to, you know, who is an ideal partner for you? Who is not like, you know, we went through this exercise I went through a divorce years ago. And the reality is Cristy also had me go through this for, you know, being involved in a relationship. And truth be told, I swore I would never get married. Again, the thought of it was like, way beyond me. I know she’s smiling right now, because she remembers that conversation. And I found my best friend, I believe in part because I designed it like I was very clear. And I also would share with her the types of women I attracted before and how I showed up a certain way. And like what I didn’t want to have happen and the type of women that I didn’t usually connect with, because I showed up this other way. And so when I got clear on what I wanted, what I didn’t want, and the clarity around, what do I want? Who am I What do I stand for as it relates to a relationship, like, I found my wife on Match. In part though, because I literally was attracting manifesting exactly what I wanted and also avoiding or repelling what I didn’t want. If it works, it works in relationships, it works in business, it works with your kids, it works in all kinds of contexts. It can work for you. And I encourage you if some of this intrigues you at all, you want to learn how Cristy might be able to help you encourage you get her help, she can really help you. Especially if you’re someone who’s a high achiever type who’s easily distracted, who’s got a lot going on, go to CristyLopezPhD.com, that’s CristyLopezPhD.com or call her at 602-323-7824, 602-323-7824. Cristy as we wind this down, like what’s a question I should have asked you that I didn’t get a chance to ask you related to this?

Dr. Cristy Lopez 23:08

Well, there are all kinds of questions. But but but yeah, but that’s to be kind of we know, we

Dan Kuschell 23:15

have interviews, every topic, they can go check that out, right?

Dr. Cristy Lopez 23:19

Yeah. So so a lot of questions and answers were given on previous podcasts. And I’m sure there’ll be some in the upcoming podcasts. But these are good foundational questions to start with, because you sometimes don’t want to get all off into these other questions without doing this work first. Because it’s like you’re building a roof on a shaky Foundation, the foundation work that really needs to be done. And then they’ll better be able to answer any other subsequent question that comes after that.

Dan Kuschell 23:48

So take the steps, apply what Cristy has shared with you build your foundation, who are you get that clarity, who are you? Right, not in terms of the human doing stuff, but as a human being? What are the qualities? What are the characteristics? What do you stand for? Right? What do you want, get that foundation in place, and you’d be amazed at the clarity, the certainty the confidence, the direction it gives you just having that foundation, and where it can lead and if you want Cristy’s help, again, go to CristyLopezPhD.com, that’s CristyLopezPhD.com. And I encourage you, I just imagine, like what would happen for you, you know, whether it’s just applying this directly or working with someone like Cristy, to be able to help support you and guide you along the way on your journey. What would it do for you? What did it mean for you? What would it give you? You know, that’s what this show is all about is growth, if not hyper growth, along with greater freedom, right. You know, lots of people can go build a lot of great things, but they are attached to it. Right? They don’t have freedom. And then there’s other people have a men men’s freedom. But they don’t really have a lot of growth because of that attachment that isn’t really there. So I encourage you, you can have both, you can have the best of both. You can have hyper growth with freedom at the same time if you take the time to lay a good foundation, so I encourage you to take action with what Cristy shared with you. You want to come back to this episode, and get access to all the amazing insights, the wisdom the strategy on top of Cristy with people like Mark Victor Hansen, Brian Tracy, Joe Polish, Yanik Silver, Dr. Jeremy Weisz, Kevin Thompson, and the list goes on and on and on. Come back to growthtofreedom.com/300, that’s growthtofreedom.com/300 for the full interview series, you never want to miss an episode which I hope you don’t go to growthtofreedom.com/subscribe, that’s growthtofreedom.com/subscribe, if you know a founder or a CEO, or a business owner, that would get value from these insights, these strategies, hey, do him a favor, do you a favor, share it with them. It’s free. It’s easy to access. give them access to this, these incredible tools, insights and wisdom and gift to the world. So that’s it for today. Seize the day, make it a great week. We’ll see you next time on growthtofreedom.com. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening to this episode of growthtofreedom.com. Are you struggling to get a steady flow of new clients every day? Or maybe hit a plateau or hit a wall and grow your business? Well, let’s help you solve this problem today. Let’s review your business and have a conversation. You do that for free today at breakthroughstrategycall.com, that’s breakthroughstrategycall.com. In addition, if you’re looking for a simple way to implement some of what we’ve been talking about in today’s episode, I want to encourage you to get our free small business toolkit. You get that at activate.breakthrough3x.com, that’s activate.breakthrough3x.com. If you’d like access to the special resources and all the show notes for this special episode. Make sure to visit growthtofreedom.com.